From the Grammar Police

Familiar flubs

This is the infamous grammatical shape-shifter. The second and third sentences refer to you. But the first sentence refers to a mysterious “I.” We suspect they meant to say you all three times.

Still one of our favorite chronics. This device does not heat hot water. In fact, it heats cold water. Just say, “water heater.”

We’ve covered this before. Why does ESPN get kudos for figuring out what anyone could figure out: When a new hire suddenly gets fired, it’s because he violated some rule. Duh! We repeat: What rule? What did he do?

Another repeat offender. No one, not even the U.S. Supreme Court, can allow a pill to do anything. It’s a pill. You allow the makers to make the pill available.

This week’s Shazam Award — for a single item that violates several writing rules — goes to this headline. First, it’s a qualifier. A double qualifier. A deal will be signed Friday. Oh. No. It could be signed. Also, it’s just a preliminary deal. So not a deal. Nevertheless, this news outlet — as outlets have done so many times the phrase has become parody — invoked “Breaking News! Really?

Not the old “prepare” thing! Readers: We issue this challenge. Send us a video of you preparing for your jaw to drop. We’ll wait.

And we go to the video archives! Click for Segment 10: More bad TV.

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!