From the Grammar Police
UK Edition
In the summer of 2026, Eliot visited England and Scotland. Some of their grammar rules are different from those in America. But they’re rules. And when Britishers violate grammar, whether British or universal, the Interpol unit of our grammar police is on it!
This is the chronic placement goof. It suggests that in an emergency, you don’t walk or fly. You just use the door. Fixed: “Please use this door only in an emergency.”
This misplacement suggests Burnham submitted his resignation. He’s the new guy. Starmer resigned.
We love charity thrift stores, wherever they are. But this sign is confusing. It sounds like you should come back if they’re closed. Fixed: “…or, if we’re closed, check our hours for when to come back.”
This set of kitchen rules is a mouthful. But the rule is that you don’t talk with your mouth full.
Oh, dear. You compliment your bride’s appearance. You complement food.
Ensure is correct, and we’ll give a pass to the quote marks on “before.” But it’s server. And no apostrophe on intolerances.
Hank Kleinberg
Can’t it be both? That’s tough.
The hyphen is shorthand for from/to. Change this to “From 10 am to 4 pm…”
Oh, merchants of Venice; if you prick us with your bad grammar, do we not bleed? It's spelled venetian. (Lower case when referring to the blinds.)
There’s nothing wrong with this. “Mature” describes a specific aging of cheese. But the word struck our fancy. We imagine “rebellious teen cheddar.”
And we go to the video archives! Click for Segment 16: That dang, comma.
Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com
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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!