From the Grammar Police
Read all about it!
We saw these entries weeks apart in our local newspaper. The first one was in the local opinion section, and that editor should have caught it. The second one originated in a newspaper far away, and likely appeared in numerous publications, which means that who-knows-how-many local editors around the country missed it, even thought we spotted it instantly. Because of declining readership, local newspapers have had to cut back on proofreaders. But c’mon! You peddle (sell) fear. You pedal a bicycle. You knew that.
Eliot wrote not one, but two Weird Florida books, so these unrelated headlines, which appeared on the same page, are gold. But our blog is about grammar. The second headline employs a misplaced modifier that suggests the woman was driving when she bit off part of her husband’s ear. He was driving.
We address this for the eleventy-billionth (not a word) time. If in fact police suspected a particular person in the shooting, this headline would be correct. But, as the story says, police don’t know who did it. Thus they really are looking for the shooter. Right?
In our most recent Grammar Police post, on Aug. 30, we talked about outfits promising “something for everyone.” Now we call out the suggestion that the entire planet will be talking about something.
We’ve covered this before. Show me a zero-year-old. Just say, “Up to five years old.”
We’ve said before that the Horribly Wrong team doesn’t like the word media, since no one can define it, and of late, it’s included people who in no way could be confused with what Eliot did as a reporter. In this case, it’s the grammar that’s wrong. Media is plural. So the media are fighting back.
Items before the Assizes:
Oyez, Oyez, Oyez! On the docket:
Plaintiffs cite the precept of grammatical Frankensteins, especially in the arenas of technology. Someone clumsily creates an unsuitable metaphor and, despite howls from grammarians, it sticks. Thus the partner of computer hardware gets called software. And that morphs to the inexplicable Microsoft. And the computer device with a wire coming out like a tail gets called a mouse, and the name has stuck, even though most computer mice (?) now are wireless and have no tail. Plaintiffs now submit 3D printer. The machines are amazing; Eliot’s dentist had one manufacturer a crown in 20 minutes. But printing is putting ink on paper. This is not a printer!
The Rules Committee opines: Printing has long been recognized as a 2D process in which ink is deposited onto a flat surface. What’s now dubbed 3D printing actually should be called “additive manufacturing.” Early models used a layering technique borrowed from ink-jet printers, and the word “printer” hopped along for an inaccurate ride. AFFIRMED. An additive manufacturing device is not a printer.
And we go to the video archives! Click for Segment 17: The comma, splice. https://youtu.be/uRLzHIdMJjg?si=t_K2Uy91d29rXVEE
Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com
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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!