Segment 89: Hyperbole

June 2, 2024

You probably have heard the expression, “Jumping the shark.” It refers to a scene in the 1970s TV series Happy Days in which the family vacations in Southern California and Fonzie ski-jumps over a shark. It’s come to mean the moment a TV series — or any institution — goes too far, and becomes ridiculous, and starts its decline.
Desperate writers sometimes use hyperbole — meaning exaggeration; far more dramatic wording than the situation calls for — and come off looking silly. Here are some examples.

“We’re ecstatic you’ve chosen to call our hotel home during your stay.”
“We are thrilled to invite you… “
“Our sale will be legendary.”
“The party was awesome.” (Ask the person, "Were you in awe?” She might not know what that means.)
“That touchdown was unbelievable!” (Of course, everyone was able to believe it.)
“We will not rest until the killer is found.” (Well, this person will rest.)

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/ueEpPlkvwxI?si=N7CdLBEkcIzuam-F

Items before the Assizes:
Oyez, Oyez, Oyez! On the docket:.
Longtime reader and occasional contributor Bruce Moore, himself a retired copy editor and a former colleague of the “Horribly Wrong” team, questioned the capitalization of “former.” The question also was raised about “President.” The Rules Committee opined: “‘We partly CONCUR. ‘President’ before a name is still a title and still uppercase. But former in any usage should be lowercase.”

Next time: Oh! So close.

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

From the Grammar Police

May 26, 2024

Happy Memorial Day! Not.

Readers: Tomorrow, May 27, is Memorial Day. Last year, Eliot heard a car dealer ad that said, “Celebrate Memorial Day with a new Volkswagen!”
Several times during Eliot’s long career in journalism, he had the sad privilege of writing about fallen members of our military, both current and from long ago. He stood with their families at local cemeteries. He wrote about Arlington, perhaps the most humbling spot in America. He interviewed many a veteran, and many told him: “I’m not a hero. The heroes are my buddies who died. Honor them. Remember them.”
That’s why the Horribly Wrong team gets its back up — as, we hope, you would — when people say, “Happy Memorial Day” or “Celebrate Memorial Day.”
Or when companies take advantage of the work holiday by holding big sales, with splashy ads showing girls in short shorts standing in the surf, and bare-chested guys popping brewskis, and hot dogs sizzling on the grill, and fireworks exploding.
And some outfits suggest it’s a good day to watch strippers.
You don’t say, “Happy Yom Kippur,” or “Happy Good Friday,” or use “happy” for any of the the somber holy days of the world’s faiths. Memorial Day is not a day you celebrate. The word “memorial” should be the giveaway.
We suspect most folks honor our country’s military dead as much as anyone, and they’re just lazy or tone deaf. People: Take a minute before you consider that ad or sales event. It’s the least you can do.

Or maybe this…

And we go to the video archives for Segment 64: Grammatical Optical Illusions. https://youtu.be/Vgt5xY_Y4Jg?si=hzwCbaT2ezFzUHe_

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Segment 88: Ben Franklin's hat

May 19, 2024

The great statesman Ben Franklin was many things. “Horribly Wrong” loves ol’ Ben because, as a printer, he knew all too well the importance of tight writing, something we covered in February 2021 and July 2023.

There’s an anecdote told in many sources, including H.W. Brands’ The First American: The Life and Times of Benjamin Franklin, a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize.

*Detail of Jefferson and Franklin in “Signing of the Declaration of Independence.”. John Trumbull. Library of Congress,*

The Continental Congress was voting on Thomas Jefferson’s wording of the Declaration of Independence. Jefferson complained to Franklin about the members’ voluminous editing nitpicks.

Ben told him a story of the man who had apprenticed as a hatter and now was about to open his own shop. The man asked friends to opine about his proposed wording of the sign that would hang outside. It would have an image of a hat, followed by:

“John Thompson, hatter, makes and sells hats for ready money.”

One person noted the sign already said Thompson sold hats. So “hatter” was crossed out.

Then one said people didn’t care who made the hats if they were of good quality. “Makes and” was deleted.

One person argued people just would presume Thompson didn't sell on credit, so “for ready money,” meaning cash only, wasn’t necessary.

Now the sign said just, “John Thompson sells hats,” with the picture of the hat.

But, one contended, who needs “sells?” No one expected Thompson to give them away.

And another argued you don’t need the word “hat” because one was painted right on the sign.

So now it would say just “John Thompson,” with the picture of the hat.

In Eliot’s long career, he had editors who’d have gone one step further than the poor hatter’s friends. The man was just starting out. His name meant nothing. Just show the picture of the dang hat!

And some tellers of the hatter story argue it’s about the danger of cutting too much! After all, Moby Dick is a massive volume, but you could tell the story (SPOILER COMING!) in fifteen words: “An obsessed ship captain chases the whale who took his leg. The whale drowns him.” But why? You’d have no book.

So, as always, dear reader, the Horribly Wrong team advises that the answer is somewhere in between. Moby Dick is 209,117 words. The Old Man and the Sea is 27,000. Both are masterpieces. As we have done for now nearly 90 segments, we counsel you to find your own voice.

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/oSA2YcBmVv4?si=483PK1Jc3aICJ5DT

Next time: Don’t jump the shark!

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

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From the Grammar Police

May 12, 2024

My head literally exploded!

There’s just about, maybe, sometimes, occasionally, nothing worse than people using literally, but not using it literally.
People naturally like hyperbole because they feel it makes them sound smarter and they need to one-up each other. So people began saying things such as, “I’m in shock,” when they weren’t. That forced writers and other grammatically responsible people to have to start saying literally to differentiate cases where people really, medically, were in shock. The masses, still addicted to hyperbole, then appropriated “literally,” making them both hyperbolic and incorrect. Which led us to the tragic reality in which we now literally live.

Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween

*https://www.rd.com/article/what-does-literally-mean/*

Items before the Assizes:
Oyez, Oyez, Oyez! On the docket:

A lower court ruled that since a “bombshell” is a surprise, all bombshells are new, and this phrase is redundant. Appellants argued this particular trial had produced several bombshells, and these were just the latest. The Rules Committee opined: “We REVERSE. ‘New bombshells,’ while a cliché, is not redundant.”

And we go to the video archives for Segment 63: Are you gruntled? https://youtu.be/m2-ld_hp3QI

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

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Segment 87: Modifiers more misplaced!

May 5, 2024

Remember our January 2022 segment on misplaced modifiers? And our December 2022 Grammar Police segment, which we devoted entirely to them? They keep coming. As this is our 87th segment, we’d guess that by now, you can figure out the goof in each of these entries, as well as how to fix it. Write us if you’re stumped.
(You might wonder if the “Horribly Wrong” creates mis-phrases from scratch to fit a segment’s theme. No. Every one of these actually appeared. Completed our mission never is!)

“Trump congratulates McCarthy after winning speakership.”
Senate to take up funding bill after passing the House.”
“A Brightline train struck and killed a pedestrian while walking along the tracks…”
“Man dies after two cars hit him crossing road.” (Submitted by Milt Baker)
“While driving to urgent care for his chest pains, his girlfriend called him.”
“An SUV was found by responders in flames.” (Submitted by Dr. Baruch Kahana).
"Officials say the radar blip re-emerged overnight on Saturday. And after floating over Lake Huron near Michigan, President Biden made the call to bring that one down, too."
“New concerns arose after the Supreme Court gave states the right to ban abortion in June.” (Submitted by Bob Yankowitz)
The Biden administration is scrambling to avert a diplomatic crisis over Israeli settlement activity this week at the United Nations…”
“Man accused of stealing two luxury cars, soft drinks from outdoor fridge.” (Submitted by Kevin Maragh)
“Some prominent Virginia Republicans who support tighter abortion restrictions have ruled out adding penalties for patients, including Attorney General Jason S. Miyares …” (Submitted by Bob Yankowitz.)
“Cowboys for Trump” co-founder Couy Griffin was found not guilty Wednesday of a misdemeanor charge of failing to register a political committee at a trial in southern New Mexico.”
“US Navy shoots down drone heading toward USS Thomas Hudner in self-defense.’ (Submitted by Art Fyvolent.)
“…confirmed his son died of an accidental overdose on social media.” (Submitted by Art Fyvolent.)
“……joined officials to celebrate the completion of Brightline’s rail construction to Orlando at a roundtable.”
“Former teacher allegedly tipped off to teen sex arrest by deputy in custody.”
Landscaper fatally runs over homeless woman sleeping in California park with lawnmower.”
“David Pecker testifies about sources for tabloid exclusives during Trump trial.”
“Soccer ref suspended after kneeing player complaining about call in the groin.”

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/yCczRB1M-_8?si=mf6Gk4r5HkONRLdE

Next time: Ben Franklin and his hat.

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From the Grammar Police

April 28, 2024

*https://www.wired.com/1994/09/moon-land/*

Pretty regularly, you’ll see or hear that “the government,” or “the media” or sometimes just a nebulous “they,” has something really juicy that they DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW.
In Eliot’s career, he came across many things that, in his journalistic judgment, weren’t newsworthy or couldn’t be substantiated. So, yes, technically, these were things Eliot DIDN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW. Actually, he didn’t care if you knew. He just wasn’t going to tell you.
There’s a word for this malady: paranoia. One group of guys even has a podcast about conspiracy theories called, of course, “Stuff they don’t want you to know.”
And by the way, the world of “news” has become so kaleidoscopic, especially when it comes to politics, that if one outlet DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW, another does.

This one takes for granted that the government doesn’t want you to know. By the way: Watch those apostrophe’s!

And we go to the video archives for Segment 66: Euphemisms. https://youtu.be/XYT4rbYLgrQ?si=PumFB3_aRkkCOM55

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Segment 86: "Without fear or..."

April 21, 2024

*Edvard Munch, “The Scream,” 1893. National Museum, Oslo*

The “Horribly Wrong” team has defined a cliché as a phrase that was really good the first time someone said it, and then everyone liked it, until it got overused. Through the vast archives of newspapers.com, we searched the world’s newspaper contents, some dating back more than two centuries, and found one particular phrase that it seemed people, especially politicians and lawyers, really, really, really liked. Most sources date its origin to Adolph Ochs, who promised it to readers when he acquired The New York Times in 1896. But we found it as far back as 1779! Readers?

Grassley

April 2024: U.S. Sen. Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa, in keynote address to Heritage Foundation Symposium on “Weaponization of U.S. Government:” “No matter which party’s in the White House, you must pursue the facts and the evidence without fear or favor.”

December 2023: Colorado Supreme Court in banning former President Donald Trump from 2024 ballot: “We are likewise mindful of our solemn duty to apply the law, without fear or favor..”

March 2023: Fox Corp. CEO Lachlan Murdoch: “…a news organization has an obligation and it is an obligation to report the news fulsomely, wholesomely and without fear or favor. And that is what Fox News has always done and will always do.”

January 2023: Robert Hur, special prosecutor in the probe of classified documents found in office and home of President Joe Biden: “I intend to follow the facts swiftly and thoroughly, without fear or favor.”

September 2009: Retiring Manhattan District Attorney Robert Morgenthal as Cyrus Vance, Jr., won a Democratic primary to succeed him: “He’ll support the best staff in the country investigating and prosecuting cases without fear or favor.”

June 2000: Western Montana judicial candidate Vincent J. Kozakiewicz: “I believe a district judge should treat all persons equally and render decisions without fear or favor.”

October 1992: Clifford W. Taylor, judge and candidate for Michigan Court of Appeals: “I serve as a judge in an unbiased fashion without fear or favor of anyone.”

March 1988: Resigning Assistant U.S. Attorney General William Weld: “I am grateful to have been charged with the responsibility of seeing that justice be done without fear or favor.”

*Kozakiewicz (Helena, Montana*, Independent-Record)

*Taylor (Michigan Supreme Court Historical Society)*

August 1980: Georgia federal judge Wilbur Owens: “When I took the oath of office, I vowed to try cases without fear or favor.”

May 1973: U.S. Senate GOP Leader Hugh Scott on the Watergate investigation: “…(it) must proceed without fear or favor.”

December 1961: Tampa Mayor Julian Lane: “It is our obligation to provide enforcement of the law without fear or favor.”

September 1948: Judge Marion S. Boyd, on the retirement of Memphis-area U.S. Attorney William McClanahan: “Bill conducted the office on a high plane, prosecuting cases without fear or favor.”

December 1938: Lancaster, Pa., police commissioner Albert Carlson: Parking violations to be prosecuted “without fear or favor.”

December 1927: New York Supreme Court Justice Townsend Scudder, on appointing a special counsel in a sewer project fraud scandal: “When Gov. Smith requested me to undertake this investigation, he told me that he wanted the truth, and that it was my task to find it, without fear or favor.”

November 1910: New York gubernatorial candidate Henry L. Stimson: “If elected, I shall administer the office with an earnest and conscientious aim to be governor of the entire people, without fear or favor…”

May 1901: E.R. Bryson, candidate for police judge in Oregon: “If elected, I pledge myself to a faithful discharge of the duties of the office, without fear or favor.”

April 1882: Campaign ad for Minneapolis mayoral candidate Charles M. Loring, on to a ban on Sunday liquor: “If elected, I shall use every legal power of the executive branch of the city government to enforce that ordinance…fair and impartially, without fear or favor.”

November 1860: Editorial in Vicksburg, Miss., Daily Whig: “Have we a government? Have we laws? Have we a president? Is he sworn to administer those laws, without fear, favor or affection? These are questions of grave importance in this crisis.”

August 1842: President John Tyler: “I shall feel myself bound to execute, without fear or favor, the law, as it has been written by our predecessors.”

June 1804: Trial coverage in Aurora, Pa., General Advertiser: “They may perform the duties enjoined by their oaths, without fear or favor.”

December 1779: Vermont Journal, describing the state’s freedman’s oath: “You shall judge with most conduce to the best good of the same, as established by constitution, without fear or favor of any man.”

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/8CUTr6hfyBI?si=CVdMihkXUsi7STyf

Next time: A train walking along the tracks?

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From the Grammar Police

April 14, 2024

More from the press

Legislature mulls.

We covered this back in October 2022. By definition, destiny is something over which you have no control.

This suggests it was the same shark both times, which is possible, but there’s no way to know. If it was, “bit by sharks” also might be wrong. How about: “Two suffer shark bites.” Also: In Eliot’s long career, he fought against use of “attack,” which really is a carryover from a certain blockbuster movie. Shark scholars will tell you nearly all shark encounters with humans are mistakes or accidental. “Attack” is sensational and unnecessarily scares people.

We covered this as well, in September 2021. You can’t force a dog to be euthanized. It’s a dog. You force people to euthanize it.

This is a two-fer. We’ll take the second one first. This is apples and oranges! We covered this in November 2021. Maine’s a state. Canada’s a country. Say “Maine-New Brunswick border” or “U.S.-Canada border.” As for the first one: We’ve said this a thousand times. Impact is not a verb!!!!!

Less for volume, fewer for count. So, “fewer risks.” And the entire headline is a bit clunky. How about, “Taking smaller doses of omeprazole means fewer long-term risks.” (Disclosure: Eliot, as reporter, never wrote headlines, except to suggest ones. Lou Ann, on the copy desk, wrote thousands. It’s not that easy.)

We’ve covered this before. The writer is counseling you to plan ahead. So the first sentence should read, “Will you outlive your savings?”

And we go to the video archives for Segment 65: Still more homophones! https://youtu.be/crvm8yAcIhQ?si=tWVoqDWT6QbNuw-4

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Segment 85: Just the facts, ma'am.

April 7, 2024

Eliot spent most of his career reporting crime and breaking news. They’re the bread and butter of the business. It shouldn’t be a surprise that that’s where you’ll find a lot of typos, fact errors, bad grammar and clichés. Many stories are written right from police reports. The “Horribly Wrong” team wouldn’t presume to be qualified in law enforcement, and certainly officers have more important things to do than check the quality of their write-ups. But the journalists who work those reports into stories have no excuse for not cleaning up the wording.

“Police say the driver attempted to flee the scene.”
Just say, ”Police say the driver tried to flee.” “Flee the scene” is both wordy and a brutal cliché.
“On July 28, a 17-year-old boy was taken to a hospital in critical condition after police said he was shot inside the convenience store overnight.”
This victim was hospitalized after he was shot. Not after police said he was shot.
“A man was allegedly caught dumping toxic waste.” (Submitted by Dr. Baruch Kahana.)
There’s no alleged about it. He definitely was caught. He “was caught allegedly dumping toxic waste.” But even that’s awkward. How about, “Authorities say they caught the man dumping toxic waste.”
“…as well as the alleged murder of his wife and son.”
See #3. It’s a fact that the wife and son were murdered. Not allegedly murdered. What’s at question is whether the father did it. Try: “…as well as the allegation that he was the murderer of his wife and son.”
“That’s when the alleged rape occurred.”
We covered this back in May 2021, but it bears repeating. You might have called it an alleged rape, but you just said it definitely occurred. That’s not been proven. Correct: “Police say that’s when the rape allegedly occurred.”
“Police said he died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound."
Brutal cliché, cop-speak, wordy, euphemism. Take your pick. Really, all of the above. Just say, sadly, “Police say he shot himself.”
“Authorities say he stole and crashed a police car with a K-9 unit inside.”
We covered this back in November 2022. What’s a K-9 unit? It’s a dog. A police dog. Not a unit. A dog.
“The medical examiner ruled the woman’s death a homicide. It’s not clear why the man was not arrested.”
Many a reporter has paid dearly for mishandling this nuance. When a cop says “homicide,” the implication is criminal. But for a doctor, all “homicide” means is that the death was not an accident and not a suicide; it occurred at the hands of another person. The person might have killed through recklessness, or even in self-defense. Be careful. Get clarification. And write clearly!

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/8lkTyHE4UV4?si=AaBAutALaef5k9EQ

Next time: Asking your favor.

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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

From the Grammar Police

March 31, 2024

Turn around!

If you use “360,”, you get an F in geometry. When you make a turnaround, it’s 180 degrees. Because 360 degrees gets you where you started.

PS It should be “turnaround.”

And we go to the video archives for Segment 64: Grammatical Optical Illusions. https://youtu.be/Vgt5xY_Y4Jg?si=pH9O-6tpzXoXN8Bb

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Segment 84: News-speak

March 24, 2024

The “Horribly Wrong” team has dealt with bad writing of all kinds — redundancies, misplaced modifiers, and of course, clichés. Today, we risk losing our press cards by revealing deep dark secrets of the news business.
Our July 16, 2023, segment talked about euphemisms: phrases meant to soften something really bad. You’d think reporters, who are in the business of plain speaking, would avoid them. But reporters are human. They don’t want to look stupid.
So here are some reporters’ code words — and what they really mean.

•”It’s not known how the…”
“I don’t know.”

•“It’s not clear/unclear how the….”
“I don’t know.”

•“That’s a good question.”
“I don’t know.”

•We’re digging deeper.’
A brutal cliché. Self-important, And ultimately worthless.

•“Right now, police are examining the scene, collecting evidence, and interviewing witnesses.”
“Yes, each of those things is a great big ‘duh,’ but the press conference hasn’t started yet and we need to fill.”

•“We’re going to break away from that news conference for now…”
“This is really boring.”

•XYZ news could not independently confirm the reporting by the Gazette.”
“We got scooped. Big time…”

•“According to published reports.”
“We got scooped by everyone.”

•“We now can update that there were two victims, not three.”
“We got it wrong the first time.”

•“Congressman, could I just circle back to that?”
“You weasel! Cut the gobbledygook and answer the question!”

•“The game was not over by press time.”
“We used to have late deadlines for our print edition, but people stopped advertising and subscribing. Please support your local newspaper. Before it’s gone.”

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/SL6aoEx7q7o?si=Jc04afBtizunb6j0

Next time: DUM-dah-DUMM-DUMM.

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From the Grammar Police

March 17, 2024

Don’t need it? Omit it!

We’ve said many times that, next to fact and grammar errors, the greatest sin in writing is failing to write tight. Every unneeded word slows down your reader until she just gives up. Don’t take our word for it. The great William Strunk said it back in 1918: “Avoid unnecessary words!”

What else would a pedestrian be doing?

By the time you read this long and messy sentence, your food’s cold! Let’s fix it: “A 20 percent gratuity is added for parties of five or more.”

Again: This says six dollars dollars. Doesn’t it? Even these guys did not go on to say 44 dollars dollars.
(PS: While the dictionary accepts “cash” as “money or its equivalent,” we’re in the business of clarity, and we would use “cash” for physical currency, not a digital transfer. Readers?)

We covered this in January 2021 as well. If you’ve been convicted, unless it’s vacated at some point, you’re a con your whole life. Not an ex-con. Same rule goes for felon. Usually the writer means “ex-inmate” or “former prisoner.”

There ‘could be’ hostage deal.” (PS: They later removed “potential.”) Same mistake in the next one. It is a fact that he could be headed to LIV. There’s a rumor that he will be headed to LIV. Some of our top offenders fail to write tight by using too many qualifiers. Which makes them cowardly writers.

We dealt with this in our very first segment! All the way back in January 2021. Rules and regulations are different in only the most technical ways. For your purposes, they’re the same thing.

And we go to the video archives for Segment 63: Are you gruntled? https://youtu.be/m2-ld_hp3QI?si=Nkwu5C2uiUXFg1q5

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Segment 83: "It's people!"

March 10, 2024

In our Feb. 25, 2024, segment, we fixed the bad grammar of great song lines. And then wished we hadn’t. This week, we do the same with movie and theater lines. And, again, we, well, wish we hadn’t. At least we’ll always have grammar.

•“We'll always have Paris." (Casablanca)
“We always will have Paris.”

“All that glisters (glitters) is not gold.” (Merchant of Venice)
“Not all that glitters is gold.”

•“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” (Princess Bride)
“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Now I will kill you.”

•"Soylent Green is people!" (Soylent Green)
“Soylent Green is made from people!”

•"Bury me in the ocean with my ancestors that jumped from the ships.” (Black Panther)
“Bury me in the ocean with my ancestors who jumped from ships.”

•“…the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.” (Dr. Strangelove)
“…our precious body fluids.”

•"Old age. It's the only disease, Mr. Thompson, that you don't look forward to being cured of." (Citizen Kane)
“Old age, Mr. Thompson, is the only disease of which you don’t look forward to being cured.”

•“I could have made love with you more often... or once, even.” (Love and Death)
“….I could have made love with you more often, or even once.”

•“Badges? We ain’t got no badges! We don’t need no badges! (Treasure of the Sierra Madre)
“We have no badges, and do not need them.”

•“How do you like them apples? (Good Will Hunting)
“How do you like those apples?”

•“I could've been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am." (On the Waterfront)
“…which I am.”

•“Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.”
“Honey, I shrank the kids.”

•“Tell Mike it was only business." (The Godfather)
“Tell Mike it only was business.”

There must be more. Grammar Police: Send ‘em in!

“Life of Brian.” https://youtu.be/DdqXT9k-050?si=-quVx8YAhoGJOobL

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/8sJ00lvf_es?si=Fwaqxd-rMnCz5YQQ

Next time: Newspeak.

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From the Grammar Police

March 3, 2024

Ripped from the headedlines!

Excited the vehicle? Not in a family newspaper! And running on food never is a good idea! (PS: This article says officers spoke only after the car became disabled. Oh, the power of a comma! “When the car became disabled, officers said, Jarrett…”

Again: As with “unique,” “iconic” is an absolute. It can’t be more or less.

The writer was attempting “Messrs.,” a now rarely used plural of “Mister” or “Mr.” Unless he was implying that former hockey all-star Mark Messier would be joining the presidential race, which is constitutionally impossible, as the NHL great was born in Edmonton.
(PS: it “darkens the political horizon.”

Born in Massachusetts or born in Ireland. Which is it?

Good grammar in writing is where it’s at, baby! Just say, “Where is it?”

It’s many accusations, but just one long list that was outlined. But that makes the sentence awkward. As we say, “write around it!” So: “The numerous accusations were outlined…”

Same thing here. In this case, we’d suggest, “Wave of attacks hits Moscow and Kyiv.” Or, “Wave of attacks on Moscow and Kyiv.”

We’ve said collision is between two moving objects. The Rules Committee’s Lou Ann Frala reports our bible, the Associated Press stylebook, has dropped that objection. We still don’t prefer it. Also, the woman didn’t hit the pole; her car did.

We’ve explained this several times. This story doesn’t say the man allegedly did things. Nor does it say “police say.” So it presents as fact that he’s the murderer. Which, of course, is libelous. And raises the question: Of what was the man suspected when he definitely did these things?
Say: “Police say terror erupted…when a man walked into…”
And we probably wouldn’t say something as breathless as “terror erupted.” But that’s just us.

And we go to the video archives for Segment 64: Grammatical optical illusions. https://youtu.be/Vgt5xY_Y4Jg

Segment 82: "Womp bomp a loo-bomp, a-lomp bomp bomp!"

February 25, 2024

“The Horribly Wrong” team confesses to being of “a certain age.” But that means we lived through the golden years of rock n’ roll. Many legendary songwriters didn’t bother with correct grammar. Who was going to correct them? Well, we’ve done it. And we just…we…we just wish we hadn’t.

•“Lay lady lay. Lay across my big brass bed.” (Bob Dylan, “Lay Lady Lay.”)

“Lie lady, lie.”

•“Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.” (Bill Withers, “Ain’t No Sunshine.”)
“There’s no sunshine while she’s gone.”

•"If they say I never loved you, you know they are a liar." (Doors, “L.A. Woman”)
“If they say I never loved you, they are liars.”

•“I can't get no satisfaction.” (Rolling Stones, “Satisfaction.”)
“I can’t get any satisfaction.”

•“She’s got a ticket to ride, but she don’t care.” (Beatles, “Ticket to Ride.”)
“She has a ticket to ride, and she doesn’t care.”

•“Deeper than any forest primeval, I am in love with you.” (Dan Fogelberg, “Longer.”)
“My love for you is deeper than any primeval forest.”

•“When they said you was high class, well, that was just a lie…” (Elvis Presley, “Hound Dog.”
“When they said you were high class, they lied.”

•”Tell it like it is.” (Aaron Neville.)
“Tell is as it is.”

•”Got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack.” (Bruce Springsteen, “Hungry Heart.”)
“Jack: My wife and children live in Baltimore.”

•“I don't know where I'm a gonna go when the volcano blow.” (Jimmy Buffett, “Volcano.”)
“I don’t know where I will go when the volcano erupts.”

•“I'm all right. Don't nobody worry 'bout me. You got to gimme a fight? Why don't you just let me be?” (Kenny Loggins, “I’m All Right.”
“I’m all right. No one should worry. Why must you fight? Just leave me alone.”

•“…he cried out in his anger and his shame, ‘I am leaving, I am leaving,’ but the fighter still remains.” (Simon & Garfunkel, “The Boxer.”)
“…but the fighter remains.”

•”One less bell to answer.” (Fifth Dimension.)
“One fewer bell to answer.”

There must be more. Grammar Police: Send ‘em in!

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/UABE5QFK-Lk?si=RETg7rn93X7AipJh

Next time: “It’s people!”

From the Grammar Police

February 18, 2024

Lighthning strikes!

In spotting this goof, we were as fast as lightning. (Is this font too dark? Does it need lightening?)

We covered this in June 2021. It’s one of TV’s favorite clichés. And it’s a brutal cliché! Again: Have you ever wreaked anything other than havoc? And have you ever seen havoc occur any other way than having been wreaked?

A certain number of people comprise a committee. Compromise is a word that’s even rarer in Washington.

Opa! We love Greek food. But 0.85 drachmas is 85 percent of one drachma. And 0.85 cents still is not even a penny.

You have a lot of carpet and furnishings. So why say it? How about, “…to extend their lives and…” (At least the ad didn’t say “it’s life!”)

We’ve said in the past that this is used incorrectly. “Momentarily” means “for a moment,” not “in a moment.” So if you’re going to be connected to Wi-Fi just momentarily, you’d better get out your cellphone.

We talked at length in November 2022 about how “breaking news” has lost all meaning and has entered the realm of parody. The fact that the court is about to post rulings is not breaking news. When it does post them, that will be the breaking news. Maybe. (Also: the “Horribly Wrong!” team has said it isn’t keen on “release.”)

The breaking news is they went to lunch? We might not be able to beat this one.

Dang! We were wrong! Now potty breaks are breaking news!

And we go to the video archives for Segment 63: Are you gruntled? https://youtu.be/m2-ld_hp3QI

Calling all readers! Do you like "Something Went Horribly Wrong?" It's a labor of love. But we need more followers. Tell your friends! Tell Editors, Writers, Teachers to tell their friends! Goal: double our mailing list in a month. You can do it! http://ekfla.com/newsletter

Segment 81: The Grammar Police meet the Gazpacho Police

February 11, 2024

Readers: The political season is heating up! Today’s politicians probably wish they lived in a time when there were no microphones to catch everything they say.
In our Sept. 24, 2023, segment, we talked about things politicians say. And in our May 8, 2022, segment on sports, we talked about malapropisms. This week, we combine! And list some great gaffes by politicians.
We note that slips of the lip are not the purview of just one political persuasion. Also, we anticipate skeptics, so we’ve added hyperlinks showing these quotes are real.

YouTube

“Gentlemen, get the thing straight once and for all—the policeman isn't there to create disorder. The policeman is there to preserve disorder.” Chicago Mayor Richard Daley during the tumultuous 1968 Democratic Convention.

''There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.'' — President George W. Bush, Nashville, 2002.

“A zebra does not change its spots.” Vice presidential candidate Al Gore, 1992.

''I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.'' — California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, 2003.

“Life is indeed precious and I believe the death penalty helps to affirm that fact.” — New York Mayor Ed Koch, 1985.

“No one…is the suppository of all wisdom.” Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott, 2013.

''Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.'' —Washington, D.C. Mayor Marion Barry, 1989

“Every month that we do not have an economic recovery package, 500 million Americans lose their jobs.” — U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, 2009.

"Now we have Nancy Pelosi's gazpacho police spying on members of Congress.” — U.S. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, February 2022.

“He was a man of great statue." — Boston Mayor Thomas Menino.

“This is unparalyzed in the state’s history.” — Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." — Vice President Dan Quayle in a 1989 speech to the United Negro College Fund, whose slogan is, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste."

''We know there are known knowns: there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns: that is to say we know there are things we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns — the ones we don't know we don't know.'' —U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Feb. 12, 2002.

“We are going to start winning bigly.” — Presidential candidate Donald Trump, May 2016.

“His mom lived in Long Island for 10 years or so, God rest her soul. Although she’s…wait. Your mom’s still alive. It was your dad that passed. God bless her soul! I gotta get this straight.” — Then Vice-President Joe Biden to the then-Irish prime minister at a 2010 St. Patrick’s Day event.

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/IeHRjiz6V5U?si=OsIq5krvObLyV6EM

Next time: Lie, lady, lie.

Vox Populi: Our Jan. 28, 2024, column asked for suggestions for non-gender replacements for he/she and him/her. Even Horribly Wrong’s bible, The Associated Press stylebook, notes: “As much as possible, AP also uses they/them/their as a way of accurately describing and representing a person who uses those pronouns for themself.” We asked readers to create a word. Loyal reader and occasional contributor Bob Yankowitz opined:
“…There have been suggestions, which have so far gone nowhere. For he/she "Ze," and "Hir" have been proposed, with equally strange variations. "Mx." has been proposed to replace Mr. and Ms. I'm not in favor of any of them. Took me 20 years to get used to Ms., so I figure I'll be dead before I'd get used to any of these.”
Readers: Keep ‘em coming!

From the Grammar Police

February 4, 2024

Some graphics writers just don’t give a dam!

Lots of incidents, but just one wave that scares beachgoers.

Same mistake. Lots of planes, but just one grounding that cripples the route.

Do you know regulatory bodies which result in physical injuries? We don’t either. That’s just wrong! We searched the internet and this particular outlet had mistyped the quote. It says, “…any regulatory body and could result in physical injury…”

When you blow out your opponent, the result is a blowout.

Again: Everyday is an adjective meaning common. You stretch every day.

Does this mean several spots on the left side but just one on the right? We’ve heard about the fight for restroom parity, so we asked someone who’d gone in, and, well, there’s space for more than one woman.

Specialty. And no apostrophe!!!!

In a segment back in March 2021, we explained that “troop” is a unit. It isn’t a synonym for a soldier. We weep for these three soldiers.

We barely can bear to see mistakes like this. This is about the former group Lady Antebellum. Should be, “bore the same name.”

And we go to the video archive for Segment 62: Say it. Don’t spray it. Part two. https://youtu.be/bK5GaUocSJA

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Segment 80: What's my line?

January 28, 2024

A name becomes an acronym. And after a while, no one remembers the original. Try these out. Then see how you did. LSMFT!*

3M
AFLAC
ALS
AT&T
BMW
CBS
COVID
EPCOT
ESPN
FIFA
GEICO
GIF
NABISCO
NATO
NCIS
QANTAS
SCUBA
URL
WD-40
ZIP

3M Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing
AFLAC American Family Life Assurance Company of Columbus
ALS Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis
AT&T American Telephone & Telegraph

BMW Bavarian Motor Works (Bayerische Motoren Werke)
CBS Columbia Broadcasting System
COVID Coronavirus disease
EPCOT Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow

ESPN Entertainment and Sports Programming Network
FIFA Fédération Internationale de Football Association
GEICO Government Employees Insurance Company
GIF Graphics Interchange Format
NABISCO National Biscuit Company
NATO North Atlantic Treaty Organization
NCIS Naval Criminal Investigative Service

QANTAS Queensland and Northern Territory Aerial Services Ltd.
SCUBA Self-contained underwater breathing apparatus
URL Uniform Resource Locator
WD-40 Water Displacement 40th formula
ZIP Zone improvement plan

*Lucky Strike means fine tobacco!

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/JOHeh2FbItA?si=xl09xdeXPx58aZnm

Next time: We’re not here to create disorder. We’re here to preserve disorder.

Vox Populi: In our July 13, 2021, column, we commented about English not having a non-gender pronoun (he or she). And we said they or them doesn’t work because it’s a plural. But as society has become more open and considerate about non-binary people, they/them is becoming the go-to. In the mid-1980s, to deal with a related dilemma, folks adopted Ms. So we need to create a word to replace the inaccurate they/them. Readers: You’re on the clock!

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

From the Grammar Police

January 21, 2024

Darn those mispelings!

And we go to the video archives for Segment 61: Say it. Don’t spray it. https://youtu.be/tbDJcSLX5rs

From the mailbag: In our Jan. 7, 2024, segment, we asked for help on the origin of “framed.” Longtime reader and occasional contributor Milt Baker wrote: “Here's what ChatGPt says… ‘The use of “frame” in this sense suggests the act of creating a deceptive framework or structure around an innocent person.’”

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SOMETHING WENT HORRIBLY WRONG!

A blog about better writing.

By Eliot Kleinberg

With Lou Ann Frala

Happy Memorial Day! Not.

My head literally exploded!

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Some graphics writers just don’t give a dam!

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